Breakup survival guide
Breaking up sucks okay? We all know it. Even if the relationship was toxic and you are glad that it’s over and, even if you know that it’s the right thing, it hurts. It hurts not only on an emotional level but also on the physical level when you are bawling your eyes out to sleep yourself every night. In the all happy, rainbow sunshine world, we see this stinging truth over and over again: each ending means a new beginning. But well, grief doesn’t always allow us to think that, does it? In that matter of time, all we can think about is how we are done with life and how everything has come to an end. So, here are a few ideas to help you carry with and hold yourself together as you walk (or crawl) through some really tough days.
- Cut yourself some slack.
Be gentle with yourself. You know this staggering pain is universally normal and you are not crazy (even if you think the whole process is making you crazy); so stop blaming it all on yourself. You did everything you could to save it (even if you didn’t, this is what you tell yourself now).
- Give yourself your “grace” period.
Basically, you get a free pass on almost everything. Have six shots of Vodka, or put his clothes (the one you stole and made into t-shirt dresses) on fire. You get a week to be the emotional gangsta. One week. Not because there is something wrong with these, but in the long term, they won’t make you really feel anything. But right now, they will do wonders. (Unless you are able to spot on a slice of Etsy, and hello if you do let me know! Because these decade-old “love letters” aren’t going to walk in the fireplace on their own)
- You are NOT overreacting.
It is official. There have been researches proving, that heartbreak actually physically hurts and can cause a feeling of loss, obsession, and withdrawal. So you will get through this and anyone who is telling you “He didn’t deserve you only”, “there are other fishes in the sea”; is probably just missing how intense can this transition period actually be.
- Acknowledge it
You are likely to heal better and faster if you actually acknowledge that it is over instead of living in the past and between his t shirts and sheets trying to remember what he smelled like. You need to put a stop to it. (And please put them in wash *read as trash*)
- Make space for your sadness
If that one slicing-onions song comes on the radio smack in the middle of your commute, CRY. Squashing or shaming your feelings is a great way to a) postpone the inevitable and b) “should all over yourself” when all you really need is some self-compassion and some Kleenex.
- Learn from it
Hear me out before you skip this. WHEN YOU ARE READY, you may want to look at all of it once again and then it will actually hit you where things started going downhill. You will be ready. It may be just after a week or probably after 2 years; but I promise you, you will. That is IF you give yourself a chance.
- Take your own advice.
I see the irony in writing this but honestly, when it comes to everyone, they think they are an expert, even the ones who have been single all their life. Feel free to remind those close to you that you’d probably benefit more from general emotional support rather than anyone else’s agenda about what is “best for you”. Trust yourself. You know what you need. The heart knows what it wants.